I’ve been wearing quite a lot of black recently, combined with pointy shoes, rather too many hard edges, but also with a touch of sexiness (even if I say so myself); sending a message of look but absolutely do not touch. Most definitely a warning rather than a message.
So far this year has seemed quite an uphill battle. There have been a few plateaux, but of course in my mind I’m just attaching to the negative bits, the parts that have been causing me the most effort and notably the least pleasure. I’m tending to cling to those difficulties rather than remembering the good things that have happened. I can intellectualise all I want about how my human brain is hardwired to look for danger, to seek out possible threats, to fight or take flight. The problem is, is that if this is my default way of thinking, I can end up being hyper vigilant and worse, looking for trouble and chaos where there is none. Being in a constant state of alert is incredibly draining physically and emotionally, for me it makes for crazy thinking and crazy behaviours, ones that I am not always proud of. The primary victim of these behaviours is, of course, myself.
So what do I do? What will help me right size my problems? I could start with a bit of journaling, that’s getting honest with myself. Next I can talk about how I’m feeling, which is being honest with someone else. I can then look at what I’m really grateful for right now and embrace it. I can stop listening to sad songs on repeat and move on. I can shut up and listen to what other people say and not feel isolated in this mind set. I can be much softer on myself, not put up barriers between me and the outside world starting with how I’m dressing, being more approachable. I talk enough about the heart practices, I need to just carry on doing them, until they start to sink in. As that really annoying, but true saying goes:
“If nothing changes, nothing changes.”
Listening to: Mr Jukes (featuring De La Soul & Horace Andy) Leap of Faith